Oh Yes, this is a First World Problem…
The index cards I just bought do a really piss poor job of taking the ink from my fountain pen…
There is nothing worse than wanting one more glass of wine and seeing only unopened bottles of wine and knowing, “Damn, I’m going to drink another bottle of wine.”
(via insooutso)
Dear Dunkin Donuts Product Specialists:
I love the fact that you are offering an egg white option for your flat bread sandwiches. I used to go for the Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s, but now I am a D and D breakfast guy! Although sometimes when I am hungover, I will still go to McDonald’s for their greasy, syrupy, delicious McGriddle Sandwich. But I digress….
My issue with the flatbread sandwich is this: There isn’t enough overlap between the egg and the bread. It seems that the over 50% of the bread’s surface area is untouched by egg. I have at least 4 bites of my breakfast that is just bread and spillover ketchup.
I understand costs are a concern and that adding more egg can increase the price. Perhaps you can use the same amount of raw egg, but make it in a shape that increases the surface area of the cooked egg. Right now, the egg portion is quite thick. Maybe by thinning it out and increasing the surface area, it could better match the shape of the bread.
In case you haven’t noticed, I also like McDonald’s. Their signature breakfast sandwich, the egg McMuffin, has the cooked egg portion perfectly match the circumference of the English Muffin it sits upon. It is logistically easier to eat, though I prefer egg whites for breakfast. However, this poses a major competitive threat to you! If McDonald’s were to offer an egg white version of their Egg McMuffin, I would abandon D and D quicker than my father left my mother last Christmas claiming he was going out for “a pack of smokes”
Why are you so confident that McDonald’s is not launching a full frontal assault on D and D’s recent gains in breakfast market share by developing an egg white product? That seems pretty cocky to me….
Also, you may be asking yourselves why I didn’t mention Burger King. The reason is that I hate their stupid “King” ads. What is the deal with that freak with the huge plastic head? He shows up in the weirdest places, like people’s beds!! It is absurd and for this reason, I will not eat there. Also, it is unhealthy.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.———————————-
(The above is a real letter recently written by a friend.)
Whyte Whine:
Ugh, I hate it when websites for pubs/restaurants have their menus in PDF form. I don’t want an unneccessary download on my computer!
Email from Political Party Landlord:
We are out of the country until Saturday. Can the dishwasher wait until then?
NO IT CANNOT! FIX MY DISHWASHER NOW!
(Also, it’s “St. Barth’s.”)
My arms are on fire!!
And no, I haven’t been working out or anything, but they are literally on fire!
I took the Christmas tree down and hauled it outside (ALL BY MYSELF! TAKE THAT BITCHEZ), but now my arms are covered in a rash and burning. GAAAAAAH!
FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS!FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS!
Many friends have come to me petrified of Avatar’s 2 hr 45 min run time. Luckily, yesterday I discovered the site RunPee.com, which tells you the perfect time for a bathroom break. There’s no need to fear the giant soda and popcorn you consumed during coming attractions. Instead of trying to guess when an extended action sequence or too-long monologue is about to commence, just run pee when the site tells you to. It’ll guarantee you a perfect movie-going experience.
